Today’s Black Book Chat is from our E-Book Reading Challenge and we’ll be discussing Moving the Furniture: 52 Ways to Keep Your Marriage Fresh by Barbara Joe Williams. I know we have quite a few members who are married and a few engaged, so today’s chat should be fun as we go through some of Barbara’s tips, as well as share some good-ole sisterly “been there, done that” advice.
If you missed the free download when we had it on the site last month, it is available (in print) via Barbara’s website at www.barbarajoewilliams.com or email her directly for the $1.00 e-book version at amanipublishing@aol.com. You can also get it from Amazon.com.
BOOK DESCRIPTION
Whether you’re married, engaged to be married, or thinking about getting married, this handbook should be in every sensible woman’s handbag. Using practical tips, good humor, and a little bedroom wisdom, it’s loaded with fifty-two ways to keep your relationship fresh for the next year.
Are you aware of these startling facts?
- In 2000, 4.8 million couples were married, yet separated.
- People between the ages of 25 – 39 make up 60% of all divorces.
- Over 1 million children are affected by divorce a year.
- Over 65% of married couples never make it to their twenty-fifth wedding anniversary.
If you’re surprised at these statistics, then don’t make the mistake of passing on this gem.
ABOUT THE AUTHOR
Barbara Joe Williams is a former business school teacher, guidance counselor, and reading instructor. She was born and raised in Rosston, Arkansas. She spent four years in the U.S. Navy prior to attending college. She holds an A.A. degree in Office Education from Tallahassee Community College. She has a B.S. degree in Business Education and a M.Ed. in Counseling Education from Florida A&M University.
Currently, she’s a freelance writer, an independent publisher (Amani Publishing, LLC, 2004), and a motivational speaker who spends her spare time traveling and speaking on writing, publishing, marketing, financing, and marriage. Barbara has published seven books for herself and almost twenty books for other aspiring authors. She’s also the founder of the Tallahassee Authors Network and an active member of the Tallahassee Writer’s Association. She’s also married and has a young daughter in elementary school.
Please visit her website at: www.Amanipublishing.net or www.Barbarajoewilliams.com or email at: Amanipublishing@aol.com . She can also be found on www.facebook.com
Published Titles:
Moving the Furniture: 52 Ways to Keep Your Marriage Fresh, ISBN: 9780981584713
Courtney’s Collage, ISBN: 097889376X
A Writer’s Guide to Self-Publishing and Marketing, ISBN: 0978893700
How I Met My Sweetheart, ISBN: 097528519X
Falling for Lies, ISBN: 0975285130
Dancing with Temptation, ISBN: 0975285122
Forgive Us This Day, ISBN: 0975285106
Barbara, thanks for joining us today. I am excited about today’s chat because I really think it’s wonderful to see those 20-50 year marriages and to hear from those who’ve made theirs work. Let’s jump straight into the discussion with you telling us why you decided to do this book, since most of your other books are fiction.
Everyone else…welcome!!
(If you’re replying to someone’s comment, please hit REPLY directly underneath their comment so we can keep up with the flow of the discussion better. Otherwise, enter you comment directly in the box. Thanks!!)
-Tee
Good morning Sistazs,
Thank for having me this morning. I can’t wait to discuss this book and answer whatever questions you might have.
Hey Tee, Welcome Barb, my FL Sister,
I have read most of your books and love your writing stylye. I really enjoyed Moving The Furniture as someone who has been married 4ever…I said mmm hmmm a lot. I am actually teleworking this morning and completing a book, but I will be checking in and commenting all morning…
LOVE and BLESSINGS~
angelia
.-= angelia´s last blog ..CONSEQUENCES~ =-.
Hey hey, Angelia! It’s so wonderful to be able to get insight from you ladies who have been married “forever”. LOL. Hubby and I will celebrate our 10 Year Anniversary later this month and it makes me even more hopeful when I see those whose marriages work. I can’t wait to hit the 15th-25th-35th and more. (Even when he works my nerves.)
Tee,
getting your nerves worked means he still matter…no one brings me as much joy as my man, but no one annoys me as much either…makes for good love…
angelia
.-= angelia´s last blog ..CONSEQUENCES~ =-.
Angelia you aint never lied! They drive you crazy but you love them to death.
So true….so true…..he could have gotten on my nerves in the morning before I left for work and when I pull in the driveway and see his truck parked there….a smile comes over my face….LOL
ROFL!! I can so relate to all of that and then some. And, I’m sure he feels the same way. But, I have learned to fight my battles and just look over other stuff.
I got distracted, but meant to also say just wait until you read Barbara’s new books. She has quite a few coming up that I really, really enjoyed and is even doing a re-mix of sorts of one of her earlier books. Hopefully she’ll have some news to share with those who love her work, very, very soon.
-Tee
Thanks for the plug, Tee
I’m really excited about my upcoming projects and can’t wait to share them all with everyone. I just received the proof today for my revised publishing manual titled, A Writer’s Guide to Publishing & Marketing: How to write, publish, and market books. The previous edition received a five-star review on Amazon, so this one has even more information that I wanted to share with authors ready to take the self-publishing journey as well as publish other aspiring authors.
Congrats, congrats! I saw it on your Facebook page and I love the redesigned cover. We will have to definitely share with the authors we have in the RAW groups! I’ll be ordering a couple of copies for some of my writing SISTAZ, so definitely keep us posted.
I haven’t read the book yet (Do you see a theme here with me, Tee???? Sorry!) but I plan to. Engaged to be married on 9/3/10. Been with my fiance for 6 years, though. Sheesh, time flies. At least it doesn’t feel like 6 years. Went by so quickly. I’m definitely going to be reading comments from this chat closely. I can’t see myself ever getting divorced, and I never could. My parents have been married for 37 years.
Hi Melissa,
Congratulations on your upcoming nuptials. Time has a way of traveling fast when you’re having fun. Check in later for the book giveaway contest that Tee is working on…
No worries, Melissa, I’m glad you made it and like I said, this is one that you can participate without completing the book, which I love! I had you in mind when I wrote the intro. I’m so excited for you. It’s great that you have so much time to plan the wedding and hopefully not stress anyone out. You’ll have to share the details because I’m sure some of your RAWSISTAZ will want to attend.
Hint, hint!
-Tee
Hmmm, details? OK, here’s a few. We’re getting married in a park where we used to always ride our bikes in Wilmington, DE (corny, I know, but that’s me). We mountain bike, and when we first started riding, I would always see people getting married in this park, so it has special meaning. So the ceremony is outside by a gazebo, and the reception is at the same location inside a building there. Very rustic. We are not having a cake, because neither of us like cake, so instead, we’re having a make-your-own ice cream sundae bar! This was my only requirement for the wedding! Other than that, we just want to have a fun party:) My fiance, Chris’s dad is marrying us. He used to be a justice of the peace but is retired, and he agreed to get the papers to marry us. We’re saying our own vows at Chris’s suggestion! I was floored by this because I never expected him to say that. He’s not a “I want to speak in public” kind of person. But he said he’s not even writing anything down because he knows how he feels about me and is just gonna say that. Of course, I have to write something down! I gotta prepare because I think I will be too caught up in the moment and my mind will blank on me. Who knows!
Oh, and I meant to tell you, Tee, that I am coming to the RAW affair in Atlanta this year, and trying to get Chris to come too!
Awwwwww…..sounds so sweet!
Thanks, Sharon:)
Melissa your nuptials sound great and so meaningful…the memories you all will create from the location to the ice cream bar will last forever. Congrats to you both.
Thanks, Wana! I’m excited:) Can ya tell?
Welcome to the chat Barbara
I made it to week 22 last night (had planned on finishing it up at work this morning but ended up working instead
)
Those were some great tips or ideas in the weeks I read.
What made you decide to write a book like this (i know it’s in the intro of your book but for the people who may skip (looking around) that part can you please tell us?
Do you know of a book for the male counterpart in the relationship? I would love to see the advice they are given since this book seemed to be geared toward women.
Hi Tee,
After posting a blog telling how my husband and I celebrated our 25th wedding anniversary, I was inundated with emailed comments and questions regarding marriage. In that blog, I also stated that “moving the furniture” on a regular basis was one of the ways that I’d kept my marriage fresh. Somehow that particular phrase caught on and eventually became the title of this book. Then the idea for the fifty-two weeks and fifty-two way to keep our marriage fresh just came about. I had contributors to the book, so it was really fun to write and learn as I wrote.
Congrats, congrats, it is so wonderful to see! I am so glad you did that initial post because I’m sure your book will help lots of couples or people individually. I also LOVE the title and the idea of moving the furniture around. You could do workshops on it…do you? I will definitely be sharing with some sisterfriends.
As a matter of fact, I am going to GIVE AWAY 5 FREE COPIES of the E-Book and post as a contest on Twitter & Facebook, so stay tuned for that. We can get more folks to check out the book and stop by and share in the chat. Barbara, I emailed you…
-Tee
Tee,
I haven’t done any workshops related to the book, but I was asked to speak at a Black Marriage conference last year.
And thanks for the book contest. I think that’s an excellent idea. I’m going to check your email now…
Well, it looks like hubby is going to have to help and come out with the male-centered one…that would be cool! As for the contest, I upped it to 9, plus the 1 I already told you about, so look for my payment for those folks.
I’m going to TRY to announce winners every 30 minutes to an hour.
Hello Ms Williams and welcome to our chat ! Im not married, did it once stayed married a year under threats from friends, didnt want to do it then..LOL I was tired of folks asking me “why aint you married”. So I my thing is..marriage isnt for everyone. At the same time, I remember growing up and seeing a friends mother & father’s relationship and thinking..now thats what I want. They kissed at the door when he got home from work and the like…NICE !
Hi Linda,
Thanks for your comment. I agree that marriage isn’t for everyone. It should be a mutual agreement as well as a pleasurable experience (at least most of the time).
Linda, I’m glad you pointed this out as there are plenty of folks marrying just because. And, 9 times out of 10, they don’t make it. Marriage is hard work, but the rewards are so worth it on most days..
I will be celebrating 25 years next year! Most importantly, they were 25 happy years and I’m looking forward to 25 more. I’m wrecking my brain trying to come up with something special for us to commemorate this milestone, but getting to these milestones take “moving the furniture” from time to time. I will certainly be picking up this one!
Hi D. J.
Thanks for joining us this morning and congratulations on reaching that milestone. Please let me know what you come up with to commemorate your anniversary. Next year will be 30 years for us, and we’re planning a trip out of the country but haven’t decided where. Any suggestions?
Hi Wana,
Thanks for joining us this morning. No, I don’t know of a particular book geared to men. Initially, I was going to gear the book to women and men but changed my mind. Although, I have had lots of men to buy the book because it can be useful to them as well.
First, congratulations on 25 years of strong marriage. What’s the most annoying thing a husband can do or say in a marriage?
Hi Darryl,
Thanks a million for joining us today. I think the most annoying thing a husband can do is snore in your ears every night. And the most annoying thing a husband can say is, “I regret marrying you because…”
Darryl, so glad to see a man joining us today!! If you’re opening this question up to the rest of us…I’d like to reply:
I have a few things, but I think most annoying is NOT communicating. It makes it extremely hard when you don’t really know what’s going on, issues, fears, dreams when the person doesn’t actively communicate.
Wow, Tee. You said a mouthful. Communication is definitely the key to a good marriage and relationships in general.
Tee I agree on the NOT communicating and the other thing is NOT communicating then just explode because you can’t or don’t want to hold it in anymore….which leads to not so nice discussions.
Hello,
Another thing that I find annoying is sarcasm. I mean if you’re upset with me come out and say it without trying to be funny or make snide remarks. That’s why I’ve learned to say what’s bothering me to the point where I can sometimes be too blunt…
You guys are hanging tough, mama had to take a nap. Something that used to get me in the early days was when I would ask Mench if things were okay and he would say yes. Then days or even weeks later he would come out with something…OOO wee that ran me hot. Now he has learned to say…”Yeah but dont want to talk about it now…” I like that because it gives him time and I know something is up. On the other side, he was annoyed by my honesty. he would say, “Baby everything doesnt have to be said…” Nowadays I completely agree with him, there are some things if we just keep, will sometimes mend itself, talking about it can sometimes make nothing something. But that comes from living and learning. Laughing is a big component of our marriage. WE both seem serious and conservative, but are really goofy nuts~
angelia
I agree with this one too or the “I’m just joking” comment, because really…are you? 9 times out of 10, no. Just say it.
Communication. Yes. It is VERY annoying when a man doesn’t communicate. Last I checked, I was not a mind reader. LOL.
Ladies, as a heads up, I will be in and out this morning as the little one is working me out! LOL. But… a few questions:
Of the tips, which was your favorite? Barbara…tell us yours too.
Were there any you wished you had known before going into the marriage?
Were there any you’ve tried that just didn’t work for you?
And lastly…let us know your marital status.
Two of my favorite tips are dating your man and dressing up for him…I have been married almost 32 years and we still date…we go to dinner and or movie at least weekly, we take several car trips a years, just drive to somewhere usually near the water and spend a weekend…and I care how I look to him…and I wear perfume to bed every single night…along with something nice…
angelia
Wow! Your right and work hard for your marriage, I admire that. Those little things are constant reminders from the fragrances to dinner dates. This shows you enjoy spending time with your spouse.
Darryl,
I do, I tell people I have a master’s in finance, but a PHD in loving and being married to that MAN~
.-= angelia´s last blog ..CONSEQUENCES~ =-.
Angelia,
I’m laughing over here because one time my young niece came to visit and she wanted to know why I was spraying perfume at night when I was getting ready for bed. I just smiled and told her that someday she would understand…Now she has two children…
Barb,
they need to listen…I have to tell my daughter in law, little keep your man secrets~ she used to act all shocked, now she is high-fiving and cosigning~ umm hmm~
angelia
Well, I’m listening and I appreciate you two sharing with us. I will admit, this is something I don’t do…either. Date night would be wonderful, so I am going to work harder on finding a babysitter so we can get that break or if nothing else, do some lunch dates. The dressing up part? Whew!! ::::looking around::::: I work from home and sometimes go days without leaving the house, so I know I can look a hot mess sometimes, but I’m going to do better on this, starting today. If I can say so, I’m looking pretty cute in my workout clothes though and no scarf, either. LOL!!!
Okay, Tee
My favorite tip is the very first one: moving the furniture because it stirred up so much conversation and became the basis for the whole book. And I like the last one which is “put God first.” Someone asked me why did I put that one last, and I did that because I wanted to save the best one for last and it was the one that most couples sent in for the book.
The tip I would have like to known before I got married was “stop sweating small stuff” because I used to let little things upset me and lead to arguments like leaving the cap off of the toothpaste. Now I just have my own tube of toothpaste.
We haven’t tried anything in the book that didn’t work out for us but there are a few things that we haven’t tried yet like: try out for a community play, try karaoke singing, and renewing our wedding vows.
And my marital status is happily married for 28 years with anniversary coming up on June 27th.
Barbara, early on did you assume or imply thoughts of your husband. Like, he should’ve known or experience frustration because he didn’t think the same way you did on issues?
Yes, one of his favorite comments used to be “I’m not a mind reader.” It took me awhile to catch on but now I let him know when I’m not happy instead of showing attitude.
That’s a hard one. I think I’m an attitude shower (and not teller). I know I gotta work on that because when I don’t just say how I feel, it always leads to an argument cause I’m pretending everything is fine!
An early congrats to you. It’s hard picking a favorite when I haven’t finished, plus a lot of them are really good! I do like the two you mention above. Thankfully I’m still a work in progress, but the little things is sometimes a biggie for me. I’m learning to keep it moving and just let it go and sometimes the things that are common sense to me are those things he wants me to just come out and say. It’s hard though…
I’m like Tee thankful I’m still a work in progress so I’m letting stuff go but I’ll admit sometimes I get tired of the work and think let him work. I know it’s the wrong attitude but I’m being honest.
I’m married (it’ll be 5 years in August) and I have to say my favorite is not sweating the small stuff. I had to learn that by ignoring stuff until it gets on his nerves.
Hi Angelia,
Thanks for stopping by. I can always count on your support, my Florida sister. Thanks for keeping in touch with me since we met at the Zora Festival about three years ago.
Welcome Barb and thank you for spending time with us.
Hi Yolanda,
It’s my pleasure to be here. Thanks a million for stopping by…
Herllo Everyone,
I wont be able to stay on long. Heading out of town but will be able to read the chats on my blackberry. I am still reading the book and like it. My husband and I will be married for 28 years this July. We still have our date nights twice a month even with all the baseball games the kids have
Barbara
its funny because husband and I both have our own toothpaste too. He always leave his cap off on his. He still to this day lose his keys four time a week…no make that everyday..I am so use to now. Just part of the love…smile
Barbara,
Thanks for sharing that funny story with us. This June will be 28 years for us, too. I appreciate you stopping by and reading the book…
Barbara,
I’m sorry but I made a mistake. This June will be 29 years for us. See how fast time flies…
ROFL!!! I am a millennium bride, so I will always be able to remember! We hit our 10 Year Anniversary April 29th (and do take gift cards for date night, babysitters, house cleaners, and electric tools.) AHahha.
Congrats to both of you. The toothpaste never bothered me as I think we’ve always had our own, but I would hate how he would leave the toothpaste in the sink or shave and leave hair all over it. That’s why I love our current house because we have double sinks!!
Oh, I need the double sinks so badly! The hair and toothpaste splotches kill me! Glad it’s just not me:) When we get a house, double sinks are a must.
That’s so funny bc G does the same thing with the shavign and toothpaste but we don’t even share bathrooms so only see it if I’m in his bathroom. But of course I can’t complain because it’s his bathroom. I think that was a setup.
ROFL!! His and her bathrooms? I have never heard of that, but I love it!
Hi Barbara,
I just wanted to stop by and say Congratulations of your book. You are a phenomenal women doing phenomenal things and I wish you much success on this, and future endeavors.
If you haven’t done so already, tell your audience about yourwonderful site, Tallahassee Authors Network.
Much Love,
Tracy
Hi Tracy,
Thanks a million for dropping by and mentioning the Tallahassee Authors Network. This is a group that I started in September 2008 for local authors and aspiring writers. However, it went online last year as a Ning group and now we have approximately 115 members nationwide because anyone can join. The local authors still meet every other month at the main library to support one another’s writing projects, and we were fortunate enough to have visitors from a neighboring city at our last meeting. So it keep s growing and growing. Please check us out at:
http://www.tallahasseelocalauthors.ning.com
for more information.
I think in this day and age as divorces abound, it is a blessings to be able to be able to say you have been married for 25 years.
Reading all the other comments, this sounds like a great book.
I can’t wait to get my copy. going to the website now.
Thanks Sylvia,
I appreciate you stopping by and showing your support for this project which came from my heart. I think it will be a blessing whether you’re married or not. As Tee pointed out, there are somethings women need to know before they get married and this book will certainly help with that…
Hello Barbara,
First, let me say congratulations,kudos and accolades on all the great things you are doing and experiencing in the literary world! He just keeps on blessing you over and over!
God’s first institution was marriage. Therefore, we should take it seriously and not give up too easily! I believe if we keep Him first place in our lives ( a personal relationship) and then our marriage, it will survive virtually any obstacle that confronts us.
I am blessed to say that my husband and I just celebrated our 35th anniversary of February 14, 2010.
In His Service,
Juliette
Hi Juliette,
I appreciate your gracious comments. Thanks a million for stopping by and joining in the discussion. Congratulations on staying with a man for 35 years. I’m certainly looking forward to making it as far as you have.
You are welcome Barbara! I pray God’s blessings and favor over your marriage…He is able!
Juliette
Congrats to you and your husband, Juliette!
I think a lot of times people think it’s easiest to give up and that’s the sad part about it. I know there have been times when I didn’t think we would make it, but God was there pushing, pulling and holding us together, even when we didn’t think we wanted it.
Thank you Tee! I feel blessed and don’t take my marriage for granted even after 35 years. I pray God continues to be an integral part of your marriage as well.
Be blessed!
Juliette
Thomas Wilson here, watching and listening Tallahassee. Can’t post any more comments, because i am at work. Keep up the good work, Barbara Jo. Just passed 24th anniversary on March 15th..
Congratulations on your anniversary, Thomas
Thanks for stopping by while you can…
Welcome Barbara
Hello fellow sistaz’s
I have not read the book and I saw it. Now that I have seen some of the comments, I look forward to reading it. This topic is coming in droves in other areas as well. I will celebrate my 15th anniversay this month. But it looks as though I have got with the right group of women. Ladies you each have set milestones. Happy Anniversary to each of you.
Barbara, do you see your book as becoming a study guide for single or married ministries in the church setting? You know like we do bible study?
Regina
Dallas,TX
Hi Regina
Thanks for your question. Yes, I see this book being used in the church setting for single and married ministries as well the church bookstores. That’s why I made sure to include God in it and kept it “G” rated.
Hey all! I just announced the contest to give away 9 copies of the e-book to our Facebook & Twitter fans who share/RT and stop by and comment, soooooo if you’re on one of the networks and don’t have a copy, definitely RT & Share. (Compliments of yours truly…)
And, I’m finally back! Both my computers are on a 10-20 second delay every time i type something, so it’s been interesting seeing I type over 150 words a minute. I finally pulled out the laptop, so I’m going to catch up. Thank you all SO MUCH for participating.
Hi, Ms. Williams. Thanks so much for joining us on today. I haven’t read your book, but it definitely sounds like something I need to add to my list. I’m currently divorced….but who knows what the future holds? (smile)
Hi Hope,
Thanks for stopping by and writing a comment. I don’t know what the future holds but I know who holds the future so don’t give up because it’s never too late to find a good mate…
Congrats Barbara on 29 years. That is truly a blessing.
.-= LaShaunda´s last blog ..FEATURED AUTHOR: Janice Jones =-.
Hi LaShaunda,
It’s always great to hear from you. Thanks for stopping in…
Barbara,
Congrats on 29 years. Awesome. The book has a great title. Sounds like something every couple should read.
Blessings,
Rhonda McKnight
Hi Rhonda,
Thanks for stopping by and leaving a comment. I’m glad that you like the title and I agree, it’s something every couple should read…
Our winners from the 9 copies I donated are as follows (pulled from our FB, Twitter, & RAW groups). Thanks so much for participating! If you already have a copy, please let me know:
D.J, Yolanda, Darryl, Sylvia, Regina, Melissa, Hope, LaShaunda & Rhonda
Thanks Tee,
I would like to give Juliette McDonald an autographed copy for being the longest married person to leave a comment so far with 35 years. If anyone can top that figure, you can have the second autographed copy…
This is wonderful Barbara, thanks so much for doing it and recognizing her.
I have a few more posts to read so I will be back, but on behalf of RAWSISTAZ, thanks for being part of our e-book challenge and joining us today. I look forward to more of these type of books (and others from you).
A special thanks to everyone who participated. Please continue to comment if you’d like, but I wanted to express my thanks.
Have a wonderful weekend, everyone!
It was my pleasure. Thanks a million and one for having me spotlighted today. This has been a very memorable day for me, and I look forward to coming back to talk about more of my books. I forgot to mention that I’ve self-published seven books (plus the upcoming revised manual), and I have five books completed that have not been published so I’m definitely in the writing game to stay. So see you all in the future…
Barbara
You are so sweet! Continued success and many blessings to you.
I won? Wow! I do have the ebook that I downloaded sitting here:) So feel free to give the copy to someone else! But thanks!
I just celebrated my 15th year wedding anniversary, and a marriage takes a lot of effort from both parties. I will be reading the e-book soon.
Thanks for stopping by, Rosiland. I appreciate you joining us and leaving a comment…
Hi am from Rosston, Arkansas and we share this much in common. Thank God for your greatness and hope to see you in many other projects. I sure would like to see you doing a motivation speech. Bless you and your family.