Comments on: My Mother’s Child Blog Tour with Dwan Abrams http://www.rawsistaz.com/blog/blog-tours/my-mothers-child-blog-tour-with-dwan-abrams/ Black Books, Authors, Book Reviews, Events & More Thu, 02 Feb 2012 03:49:27 +0000 hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.3 By: Rose http://www.rawsistaz.com/blog/blog-tours/my-mothers-child-blog-tour-with-dwan-abrams/comment-page-1/#comment-12624 Rose Sun, 07 Mar 2010 05:35:45 +0000 http://www.rawsistaz.com/?p=3352#comment-12624 I know that I am Johnny come late but had to chime in. As far as having a man with money, and all the things that money can buy, does not guarantee happiness because if the man is the one with the money he usually holds it over your head in some kind of way. All you hear is this is my money, my house, etc. This stabs at a woman's self esteem and makes her feel inadequate. When a man is working hard for money he is normally not around and when he is, he is usually too tired to be romantic. When your husband is not giving you the affection you needs, no amount of money can make you happy. One thing I have learned is this- no amount of money can buy happiness; it must come from inside of you. Cars, houses and new things wear off quickly. After a month of so with all your toys you are back to being unhappy and looking for the next fix. I know that I am Johnny come late but had to chime in. As far as having a man with money, and all the things that money can buy, does not guarantee happiness because if the man is the one with the money he usually holds it over your head in some kind of way. All you hear is this is my money, my house, etc. This stabs at a woman’s self esteem and makes her feel inadequate. When a man is working hard for money he is normally not around and when he is, he is usually too tired to be romantic. When your husband is not giving you the affection you needs, no amount of money can make you happy. One thing I have learned is this- no amount of money can buy happiness; it must come from inside of you. Cars, houses and new things wear off quickly. After a month of so with all your toys you are back to being unhappy and looking for the next fix.

]]> By: Sharon http://www.rawsistaz.com/blog/blog-tours/my-mothers-child-blog-tour-with-dwan-abrams/comment-page-1/#comment-12596 Sharon Thu, 04 Mar 2010 15:24:34 +0000 http://www.rawsistaz.com/?p=3352#comment-12596 Sorry I'm tardy for the pardy....LOL!!! but to answer the question...some women just can't be pleased or they have a false conception that money, cars, fancy homes, and clothes mean happy perfect life. Sorry I’m tardy for the pardy….LOL!!! but to answer the question…some women just can’t be pleased or they have a false conception that money, cars, fancy homes, and clothes mean happy perfect life.

]]> By: Susan http://www.rawsistaz.com/blog/blog-tours/my-mothers-child-blog-tour-with-dwan-abrams/comment-page-1/#comment-12592 Susan Wed, 03 Mar 2010 12:30:22 +0000 http://www.rawsistaz.com/?p=3352#comment-12592 It is so amazing that you ladies were discussing the whole "children before/after marriage" scenario. I recently witnessed a situation at work where a co-worker just found out she was pregnant by her boyfriend of 6 years. When asked why they hadn't gotten married yet, she responded that they were still keeping their options open. :::blank stare::::: You mean to tell me that you are okay having this man's baby but you are not sure you want to marry him or vice versa?? What further blew my mind was that there were 3 other ladies present during this conversation......one recently divorced but got pregnant after her divorce, one who had a child before she got married and a newly wed with no children....and myself, who is unmarried with no children. The two other girls that have children were saying that it is better to have a child out of wed lock because you get the child without being bogged down with the man. Call me old-fashioned but I think there is something wrong when some "women" in our society will advocate for having a child out of wedlock...actually thinking that it is better than being married first. It is so amazing that you ladies were discussing the whole “children before/after marriage” scenario. I recently witnessed a situation at work where a co-worker just found out she was pregnant by her boyfriend of 6 years. When asked why they hadn’t gotten married yet, she responded that they were still keeping their options open. :::blank stare::::: You mean to tell me that you are okay having this man’s baby but you are not sure you want to marry him or vice versa??

What further blew my mind was that there were 3 other ladies present during this conversation……one recently divorced but got pregnant after her divorce, one who had a child before she got married and a newly wed with no children….and myself, who is unmarried with no children. The two other girls that have children were saying that it is better to have a child out of wed lock because you get the child without being bogged down with the man. Call me old-fashioned but I think there is something wrong when some “women” in our society will advocate for having a child out of wedlock…actually thinking that it is better than being married first.

]]> By: Ty http://www.rawsistaz.com/blog/blog-tours/my-mothers-child-blog-tour-with-dwan-abrams/comment-page-1/#comment-12588 Ty Wed, 03 Mar 2010 00:29:06 +0000 http://www.rawsistaz.com/?p=3352#comment-12588 Awesome conversation today! Thank you RAWSistaz for hosting and chatting with Dwan Abrams during the My Mother's Child Blog Tour. Awesome conversation today! Thank you RAWSistaz for hosting and chatting with Dwan Abrams during the My Mother’s Child Blog Tour.

]]> By: Criss http://www.rawsistaz.com/blog/blog-tours/my-mothers-child-blog-tour-with-dwan-abrams/comment-page-1/#comment-12587 Criss Tue, 02 Mar 2010 21:51:10 +0000 http://www.rawsistaz.com/?p=3352#comment-12587 I have a friend at work that is telling me she doesn't want to wait after I am married for me to have kids. These people are just crazy. hahaha. There is nothing wrong with being married first before you have kids. Our plan is to wait at least a year to just be married before we start having any kids. I have a friend at work that is telling me she doesn’t want to wait after I am married for me to have kids. These people are just crazy. hahaha. There is nothing wrong with being married first before you have kids. Our plan is to wait at least a year to just be married before we start having any kids.

]]> By: Criss http://www.rawsistaz.com/blog/blog-tours/my-mothers-child-blog-tour-with-dwan-abrams/comment-page-1/#comment-12586 Criss Tue, 02 Mar 2010 21:48:36 +0000 http://www.rawsistaz.com/?p=3352#comment-12586 I'm all late but I'm going to give my 2 cents anyways/ :) to answer the original question- I think that some women feel they are entitled to the world and when they start getting things they want, they complain to get more. In the end they are never satisfied because they always feel entitled to more. Other women have been taught by other to reach for the many with money and told he is supposed to give them the world and then (like other have mentioned) some women just don't know what they want. I'm sure there are plenty of women who think it is their fault they can't have a boy and the many stories listed above prove that. This isn't just bad for the women but also the female children who may feel they aren't good enough in the mother's eyes since she is still working on that boy. Lastly, Dwan, thanks for stopping by. I look forward to reading your work. From today's topic I can tell your latest should be a good read. I’m all late but I’m going to give my 2 cents anyways/ :)

to answer the original question-

I think that some women feel they are entitled to the world and when they start getting things they want, they complain to get more. In the end they are never satisfied because they always feel entitled to more. Other women have been taught by other to reach for the many with money and told he is supposed to give them the world and then (like other have mentioned) some women just don’t know what they want.

I’m sure there are plenty of women who think it is their fault they can’t have a boy and the many stories listed above prove that. This isn’t just bad for the women but also the female children who may feel they aren’t good enough in the mother’s eyes since she is still working on that boy.

Lastly, Dwan, thanks for stopping by. I look forward to reading your work. From today’s topic I can tell your latest should be a good read.

]]> By: Jaime L. Lincoln http://www.rawsistaz.com/blog/blog-tours/my-mothers-child-blog-tour-with-dwan-abrams/comment-page-1/#comment-12585 Jaime L. Lincoln Tue, 02 Mar 2010 19:32:30 +0000 http://www.rawsistaz.com/?p=3352#comment-12585 So true, it's ok to want enjoy the company of your mate while enjoying to comapny of yourself. The key is knowing the balance. Just because you're in a relationship or married doesn't mean you have to put all of your focus in your mate, make some room for yourself, too. If we're taught this, I think things will be a little easier. So true, it’s ok to want enjoy the company of your mate while enjoying to comapny of yourself. The key is knowing the balance. Just because you’re in a relationship or married doesn’t mean you have to put all of your focus in your mate, make some room for yourself, too. If we’re taught this, I think things will be a little easier.

]]> By: Jaime L. Lincoln http://www.rawsistaz.com/blog/blog-tours/my-mothers-child-blog-tour-with-dwan-abrams/comment-page-1/#comment-12584 Jaime L. Lincoln Tue, 02 Mar 2010 19:17:49 +0000 http://www.rawsistaz.com/?p=3352#comment-12584 Some in my generation look at me like I have a third arm since I don't have any. While others that are a little older respond with you have time...LOL!!!! I forgot, that since I don't have any children that equates to me not liking them, when that's the furhtest from the truth for me. Thanks for the reminder, sis!!! Simply amazing!!! When they ask ridiculous questions I begin to think about the old saying of misery loves company. Some in my generation look at me like I have a third arm since I don’t have any. While others that are a little older respond with you have time…LOL!!!! I forgot, that since I don’t have any children that equates to me not liking them, when that’s the furhtest from the truth for me. Thanks for the reminder, sis!!! Simply amazing!!! When they ask ridiculous questions I begin to think about the old saying of misery loves company.

]]> By: D.J. McLaurin http://www.rawsistaz.com/blog/blog-tours/my-mothers-child-blog-tour-with-dwan-abrams/comment-page-1/#comment-12583 D.J. McLaurin Tue, 02 Mar 2010 18:58:20 +0000 http://www.rawsistaz.com/?p=3352#comment-12583 That is the very reason why my mother birthed 11 kids. Her second was a son by a previous marraige. She married again and had daughters for her second husband, until she got that boy on the 11th birth. That is the very reason why my mother birthed 11 kids. Her second was a son by a previous marraige. She married again and had daughters for her second husband, until she got that boy on the 11th birth.

]]> By: Christina http://www.rawsistaz.com/blog/blog-tours/my-mothers-child-blog-tour-with-dwan-abrams/comment-page-1/#comment-12582 Christina Tue, 02 Mar 2010 18:37:07 +0000 http://www.rawsistaz.com/?p=3352#comment-12582 AMEN! It's really important what we teach. I had great examples of strong women. They could even be said to be too strong. But I never felt in my life that I had to have a man because I never saw that. I had to become an adult and view this "...gotta have a man" mentality from girlfriends and television. I'm very soft and pink, but I can flex that muscle arm with the 'kerchief on in a New York minute!!! LOL! AMEN!
It’s really important what we teach. I had great examples of strong women. They could even be said to be too strong. But I never felt in my life that I had to have a man because I never saw that. I had to become an adult and view this “…gotta have a man” mentality from girlfriends and television. I’m very soft and pink, but I can flex that muscle arm with the ‘kerchief on in a New York minute!!! LOL!

]]> By: angelia http://www.rawsistaz.com/blog/blog-tours/my-mothers-child-blog-tour-with-dwan-abrams/comment-page-1/#comment-12581 angelia Tue, 02 Mar 2010 18:29:41 +0000 http://www.rawsistaz.com/?p=3352#comment-12581 A part of the problem is we either teach our girls to be feminine and work it, ie, get a man to take care of this that or the other, or we teach them to be tough, I dont need no man to do nothing for me I can do bad all by myself. When in fact we should have taught them what I was taught and teach, "It is okay to want a man, they bring mighty nice things to the umm table, but you have to have something that is also wanted. And that if you are going to be by yourself, 'You can do good all by yourself'...it is okay to be soft and vulnerable and it is equally okay to be able to handle your business, t hose things are not mutually exclusive...I love my man doing things for me and I love doing things for myself...that is TRUE liberation... angelia .-= angelia´s last blog ..<a href="http://acvermen.blogspot.com/2010/03/create-your-own-economy.html" rel="nofollow">Create Your Own Economy</a> =-. A part of the problem is we either teach our girls to be feminine and work it, ie, get a man to take care of this that or the other, or we teach them to be tough, I dont need no man to do nothing for me I can do bad all by myself. When in fact we should have taught them what I was taught and teach, “It is okay to want a man, they bring mighty nice things to the umm table, but you have to have something that is also wanted. And that if you are going to be by yourself, ‘You can do good all by yourself’…it is okay to be soft and vulnerable and it is equally okay to be able to handle your business, t hose things are not mutually exclusive…I love my man doing things for me and I love doing things for myself…that is TRUE liberation…

angelia
.-= angelia´s last blog ..Create Your Own Economy =-.

]]> By: Christina http://www.rawsistaz.com/blog/blog-tours/my-mothers-child-blog-tour-with-dwan-abrams/comment-page-1/#comment-12580 Christina Tue, 02 Mar 2010 18:23:14 +0000 http://www.rawsistaz.com/?p=3352#comment-12580 Ha ha!! Someone at work once asked me why didn't I have any children. They assumed because I had none, that I didn't like children. I was thinking..."Aren't you supposed to be married first?"....and said so. He seemed to be taken back by that. Ha ha!! Someone at work once asked me why didn’t I have any children. They assumed because I had none, that I didn’t like children. I was thinking…”Aren’t you supposed to be married first?”….and said so. He seemed to be taken back by that.

]]> By: Christina http://www.rawsistaz.com/blog/blog-tours/my-mothers-child-blog-tour-with-dwan-abrams/comment-page-1/#comment-12579 Christina Tue, 02 Mar 2010 18:21:14 +0000 http://www.rawsistaz.com/?p=3352#comment-12579 LOL!!! They have visited you too!!! LOL LOL!!! They have visited you too!!! LOL

]]> By: Christina http://www.rawsistaz.com/blog/blog-tours/my-mothers-child-blog-tour-with-dwan-abrams/comment-page-1/#comment-12578 Christina Tue, 02 Mar 2010 18:20:13 +0000 http://www.rawsistaz.com/?p=3352#comment-12578 I wonder why this is? Must be residual from the past, i.e. "What mama and 'nem may have said..." I was reading an article, I believe it was the Times, and they were talking about how financially, women in the U.S. are more financially capable and have more decision making power in thier homes and workplaces than ever before. Yet, so many women are unhappy and unfulfilled. It's almost as if the feminist movement and women's liberation has brought it's own set of problems. What these problems are, may be hard to actually put a finger on... I wonder why this is? Must be residual from the past, i.e. “What mama and ‘nem may have said…” I was reading an article, I believe it was the Times, and they were talking about how financially, women in the U.S. are more financially capable and have more decision making power in thier homes and workplaces than ever before. Yet, so many women are unhappy and unfulfilled. It’s almost as if the feminist movement and women’s liberation has brought it’s own set of problems. What these problems are, may be hard to actually put a finger on…

]]> By: angelia http://www.rawsistaz.com/blog/blog-tours/my-mothers-child-blog-tour-with-dwan-abrams/comment-page-1/#comment-12577 angelia Tue, 02 Mar 2010 18:16:54 +0000 http://www.rawsistaz.com/?p=3352#comment-12577 Christina, I think I know these people...grinning angelia .-= angelia´s last blog ..<a href="http://acvermen.blogspot.com/2010/03/create-your-own-economy.html" rel="nofollow">Create Your Own Economy</a> =-. Christina,
I think I know these people…grinning

angelia
.-= angelia´s last blog ..Create Your Own Economy =-.

]]> By: Christina http://www.rawsistaz.com/blog/blog-tours/my-mothers-child-blog-tour-with-dwan-abrams/comment-page-1/#comment-12576 Christina Tue, 02 Mar 2010 18:14:33 +0000 http://www.rawsistaz.com/?p=3352#comment-12576 I'm so glad you said this! I'm a young woman (**trying not to laugh...), I'm single and I don't have any children. People are always giving me advice about looking for a man with money. !!! Some of my friends who've decided to use this advice as a mantra are living lives like they're on a slave auction platform!!! ....."You always have to be more than what's for sale" ...is so true. On the other hand, there are men who believe that if you can be with them when they don't have it together as the actions of a desperate woman!!! There are men who feel that already have to be "built up", so to speak, before they even begin to seek a partner. I’m so glad you said this! I’m a young woman (**trying not to laugh…), I’m single and I don’t have any children. People are always giving me advice about looking for a man with money. !!! Some of my friends who’ve decided to use this advice as a mantra are living lives like they’re on a slave auction platform!!! …..”You always have to be more than what’s for sale” …is so true.

On the other hand, there are men who believe that if you can be with them when they don’t have it together as the actions of a desperate woman!!! There are men who feel that already have to be “built up”, so to speak, before they even begin to seek a partner.

]]> By: angelia http://www.rawsistaz.com/blog/blog-tours/my-mothers-child-blog-tour-with-dwan-abrams/comment-page-1/#comment-12575 angelia Tue, 02 Mar 2010 17:59:05 +0000 http://www.rawsistaz.com/?p=3352#comment-12575 So true, ever since my boys were eighteen people would ask if I had grandchildren, my answer and my sons answer was 'We arent married..." People would look at them as though they were nuts...they were taught that, 'If she is good enough to have your children, she is good enough to be your wife...' angelia .-= angelia´s last blog ..<a href="http://acvermen.blogspot.com/2010/03/create-your-own-economy.html" rel="nofollow">Create Your Own Economy</a> =-. So true, ever since my boys were eighteen people would ask if I had grandchildren, my answer and my sons answer was ‘We arent married…” People would look at them as though they were nuts…they were taught that, ‘If she is good enough to have your children, she is good enough to be your wife…’

angelia
.-= angelia´s last blog ..Create Your Own Economy =-.

]]> By: Jaime L. Lincoln http://www.rawsistaz.com/blog/blog-tours/my-mothers-child-blog-tour-with-dwan-abrams/comment-page-1/#comment-12574 Jaime L. Lincoln Tue, 02 Mar 2010 17:53:34 +0000 http://www.rawsistaz.com/?p=3352#comment-12574 Wow, that's a bit much. Don't see that happening for me. Tee, I haven't even started yet. When I was younger I wanted at least 2 and the most 4. Not sure how that's going to happen at this point...LOL!!!! I don't think I'll be able to do it more than once...LOL!!!! Maybe my future husband, whomever he is, will knock it out of the ballpark with triplets and I won't have to worry about it...LOL!!! Wow, that’s a bit much. Don’t see that happening for me.

Tee, I haven’t even started yet. When I was younger I wanted at least 2 and the most 4. Not sure how that’s going to happen at this point…LOL!!!! I don’t think I’ll be able to do it more than once…LOL!!!! Maybe my future husband, whomever he is, will knock it out of the ballpark with triplets and I won’t have to worry about it…LOL!!!

]]> By: Jaime L. Lincoln http://www.rawsistaz.com/blog/blog-tours/my-mothers-child-blog-tour-with-dwan-abrams/comment-page-1/#comment-12572 Jaime L. Lincoln Tue, 02 Mar 2010 17:46:52 +0000 http://www.rawsistaz.com/?p=3352#comment-12572 'we are together because we want to be…', This is such a profound statement, Angela. Once people realize this, it will be much easier. Lately, I've been asked, 'don't you you want kids?' As if that will complete me and once I have kids I'll be worthy. It amazes me that, that question isn't preceded by the question of would you like to get married? I guess it goes back to knowing your self worth and what your worthy of, and being married and having children doesn't make you worthy. Why would I want to have children with a man and not want to be his wife first? ‘we are together because we want to be…’, This is such a profound statement, Angela. Once people realize this, it will be much easier.

Lately, I’ve been asked, ‘don’t you you want kids?’ As if that will complete me and once I have kids I’ll be worthy. It amazes me that, that question isn’t preceded by the question of would you like to get married? I guess it goes back to knowing your self worth and what your worthy of, and being married and having children doesn’t make you worthy. Why would I want to have children with a man and not want to be his wife first?

]]> By: Tee C. Royal http://www.rawsistaz.com/blog/blog-tours/my-mothers-child-blog-tour-with-dwan-abrams/comment-page-1/#comment-12571 Tee C. Royal Tue, 02 Mar 2010 17:32:14 +0000 http://www.rawsistaz.com/?p=3352#comment-12571 Partly? :::blank stare::: ROFL... Partly? :::blank stare:::

ROFL…

]]> By: Tee C. Royal http://www.rawsistaz.com/blog/blog-tours/my-mothers-child-blog-tour-with-dwan-abrams/comment-page-1/#comment-12570 Tee C. Royal Tue, 02 Mar 2010 17:31:51 +0000 http://www.rawsistaz.com/?p=3352#comment-12570 So, so true, DJ! I wish I had someone tell me this 15 years ago. LOL. There are rough days, days when you just want to go back to bed, veg out or do nothing and it took me forever (and a good friend's advice) to know that was okay to do. She told me to live in what you feel; give yourself 24 hours and then move on. It was the best advice ever! So, so true, DJ! I wish I had someone tell me this 15 years ago. LOL. There are rough days, days when you just want to go back to bed, veg out or do nothing and it took me forever (and a good friend’s advice) to know that was okay to do. She told me to live in what you feel; give yourself 24 hours and then move on. It was the best advice ever!

]]> By: angelia http://www.rawsistaz.com/blog/blog-tours/my-mothers-child-blog-tour-with-dwan-abrams/comment-page-1/#comment-12569 angelia Tue, 02 Mar 2010 17:30:17 +0000 http://www.rawsistaz.com/?p=3352#comment-12569 So true, asking someone to complete you is asking way too much, because what if they themselves, need some completing, then what...in a marriage we have to focus on strengths and complement weaknesses...I am a task manager, my husband is a crisis manager and we support and respect the other's skill sets, more importantly we both know that we can survive without the other, we are together because we want to be... angelia So true, asking someone to complete you is asking way too much, because what if they themselves, need some completing, then what…in a marriage we have to focus on strengths and complement weaknesses…I am a task manager, my husband is a crisis manager and we support and respect the other’s skill sets, more importantly we both know that we can survive without the other, we are together because we want to be…

angelia

]]> By: Tee C. Royal http://www.rawsistaz.com/blog/blog-tours/my-mothers-child-blog-tour-with-dwan-abrams/comment-page-1/#comment-12568 Tee C. Royal Tue, 02 Mar 2010 17:29:48 +0000 http://www.rawsistaz.com/?p=3352#comment-12568 :::blank stare::: I'm sorry, there is NO WAY I'd do the "no quitting until I get a son" after child #2. Ahahha. Thankfully God blessed us with that boy the second time around because it was NOT going to happen otherwise. (Funnier even is that I wanted 3 kids prior to having any. After the first, I wanted to be done.) :::blank stare::: I’m sorry, there is NO WAY I’d do the “no quitting until I get a son” after child #2. Ahahha. Thankfully God blessed us with that boy the second time around because it was NOT going to happen otherwise. (Funnier even is that I wanted 3 kids prior to having any. After the first, I wanted to be done.)

]]> By: Tee C. Royal http://www.rawsistaz.com/blog/blog-tours/my-mothers-child-blog-tour-with-dwan-abrams/comment-page-1/#comment-12567 Tee C. Royal Tue, 02 Mar 2010 17:28:09 +0000 http://www.rawsistaz.com/?p=3352#comment-12567 ROFL...y'all would laugh if I told y'all what happened to us this second time around and what somebody suggested we do to guarantee a boy. Too bad I'm not a writer or I'd put it in a book. SMH...ahahha. ROFL…y’all would laugh if I told y’all what happened to us this second time around and what somebody suggested we do to guarantee a boy. Too bad I’m not a writer or I’d put it in a book. SMH…ahahha.

]]> By: Tee C. Royal http://www.rawsistaz.com/blog/blog-tours/my-mothers-child-blog-tour-with-dwan-abrams/comment-page-1/#comment-12566 Tee C. Royal Tue, 02 Mar 2010 17:26:58 +0000 http://www.rawsistaz.com/?p=3352#comment-12566 This is a good point too, Jaime. Women look for men to "complete" them when you should already have that completeness before moving into a relationship and eventually marriage. Yep, it's good to complement each other, but completing me? I dunno about that one. This is a good point too, Jaime. Women look for men to “complete” them when you should already have that completeness before moving into a relationship and eventually marriage. Yep, it’s good to complement each other, but completing me? I dunno about that one.

]]>