Take Off the Mask Blog Tour with Sonya Visor
Written by RAWSISTAZ · March 9, 2010 · 997 views
Who I’ve Become is NOT who I AM is Sonya Visor’s first non-fiction book. Her passion is to minister to the people who hide behind masks. Sonya’s calling is to break and destroy the yokes of bondage, releasing the power of God into the lives of others by the preached Word and prayers of deliverance. When you can find the strength, to step into who you truly are; you can find the strength to BE THE (Tru U). TruU Ministries is the women’s ministry that God has charged her with to help other’s become free.
Sonya shares her heart with her husband, Pastor Tony Visor, who she calls her better half, for nineteen years. She and her husband have ministered effectively in the city of Racine together at NCC since 1999. Sonya is blessed to love two sons, Jason and Tony, Jr.
Visit her online at sonyavisor.com.
ABOUT THE BOOK
Who are you when nobody’s looking? It’s time to take off what hides who you truly are…the mask! Are you tired of going around family, friends and church folk with a frozen smile and a broken heart? Unmask your true identity and learn your real name as pastor’s wife and playwright Sonya Visor cuts to the heart with dynamic testimony of sexual molestation at a young age.
BEING SILENT GAVE POWER to the hands that touched her life. Can hands meant to protect you also have the power to crush your identity? YES! But when we stop allowing a mask of shame to hold us captive with CLOSED mouths, WE CAN let Jesus be real in our lives.
Discover who you have become and embrace who you really are in a book that goes past the pews and what other’s think about you — to bring glory to God by being transparent and transformed. It’s time to take off your mask and let the true you show up!
Excerpt from the Book (CHAPTER 7)
Audio excerpt version with commentary from Sonya
Can I Tell You My Story?
Can I talk to you for a minute? I mean like really; can I trust you with my stuff, or my 
situation? Or are you one of those people who run and thrive off somebody else’s trouble or mistakes? If people are really going to break the silence, are you a safe place for them?
Masking is often implemented because most folk can’t really handle the truth about others or what they are hearing. The situation, if shared, will usually render responses that immediately are classified as judgment or rejection. There’s a rare group of people who can handle the true story that’s being told or deposited into one’s hearing.
If someone came and told you that they were struggling with lust, pornography, lying, stealing, homosexuality, or lesbianism, what would you say? How would you address the problem presented? I mean, both you and the person know that the issue is wrong, so where do you go from there? People are dying because they can’t find anybody to be real with. So they remain quiet and undercover, which will eventually rot the inside of their souls.
My heart goes out to the person who everyone perceives to have all the answers, but in reality, they are barely making it. He finally comes to the point of sharing his heart, only to hear the person he was about to share with speak against someone else with a similar problem. So what happens? The mouth is closed; there’s a retreat. A whisper on the inside says, I can’t tell a soul.
This secret continues to eat at the inside of them. I know, because I felt that I could tell no one my story. It has to come out in order for the individual to be free. I tried, but they responded with the “right†religious jargon, but not the right spirit. Sometimes just having an ear to listen is the best gift you can give someone. The right heart or spirit loves the person right where they are, at that moment.
View the blog tour schedule and read an excerpt at http://bit.ly/TakeOffTheMask.
Discussion: If people are really going to break the silence, are you a safe place for them?
*A Tywebbin Blog Tour
RAWSISTAZ Literary Group was founded in 2000 to support and promote the work of African-American authors. The groups, on and offline, represent close to 600 readers, writers, aspiring writers, and others interested in literacy and the impact on our communities.
Tee and RAWSistaz, thank you for hosting, Sonya Visor, on the Take Off the Mask Blog Tour.
To answer the question, ” If people are really going to break the silence, are you a safe place for them?”
I’m a introvert, pretty quiet and laid back in nature. It seems that people tend to gravitate towards me when they need a listening ear. I take this pretty seriously and do consider anything someone tells me to remain safe with me. I can’t say I have found but a handful of people in my life who I could do the same with… so I tend to keep stuff to myself. In recent years, I’ve learned this can only increase your stress. You need someone to vent to sometimes.
Thank you Sonya, for having the courage to share your story.
Ty, You know your strengths and that’s good. But, there is a safe place for you to share those things that you are going through. I just hope that you will break silence when you need to because you are absolutely correct, we ALL need to vent
I see you as a safe place for someone to share, knowing that there “stuff” will NOT go any place else. We all need somebody like that in our lives. So you are a treasure. Especially, when I can tell you something and it not end up on the job, at church or at the family reunion! LOL!!! You would definitely be somebody I can “share my story” with.
Awwwwwww, y’all so sweet! :::giggling::: Seriously, it is great to read this about someone you know works hard and cares about people. So, big hugs to you Ty.
I can also say I only know a handful of people I would trust my secrets too; matter of fact, I just called one to vent about my ongoing issues and my challenge to the devil to bring it on…ROFL! He’s been busy this week. But, back on topic…there are some secrets I’ve never told a soul and don’t think I ever will either.
Your post definitely makes me think about them, though. So, thanks so much for sharing.
-Tee
Tee, there are some things that will go with us to the grave. There are some things that only sweet Jesus will know about in my life. Although, you couldn’t tell that from the book LOL. But I hear you on that…but just make sure it’s not seeping out into your life.
This was a ver good comment.
Hi Sonya and thanks so much for joining us today. Please feel free to share more about yourself and your book.
-Tee
Thanks, Tee.
What I want people to know about me is that I am real…almost too transparent. I guess it’s from the place I came from…the point of suicide. Being quiet and keeping secrets almost killed me. I don’t ever want to visit that place again. The masks are off! I lived through it and now I want to help others do the same. The book is more than a testimonial, it’s a tool to deal with masking.
Even though the title, Who I’ve Become is NOT Who I Am, is somewhat controversial.
I always wonder about folks who seem to tell it out. You’ve definitely given me another perspective to look at because I know your experiences can help out the next person.
As for the title, what type of controversy has there been over it? Anything you can share?
-Tee
Tee, I almost missed your question going so fast with typing errors, mixed with passion.
But yes the title does raise an eyebrow because people have said to me, “Isn’t who I’ve become, who I am?” and my response to them is this: Yes, that is true. But the prospective from this book is, who am I when nobody’s looking? When I get through with all of the roles that I am: wife, mother, pastor, author etc…who am I then? Is the true person showing up in ALL that I do? Yes, those things are apart of me. But the TruU, not the role, should show up in all that we do.
Tee and RAWSistaz, thank you for having me here on this wonderful site!
What a literary kingdom you have built up here, a place for the written word! Awesome. I feel honored to be hosted here today. Thank you Tee for allowing TAKE OFF THE MASK Blog Tour to stop by today.
Thank you Ty – for your wonderful creation! The video is great and I almost did preach on the Chapter 7 excerpt…LOL!!
Thanks, Sonya! And, I thank you (and Ty) for allowing us to be part of the tour.
-Tee
Tee, thanks for having me! It is an honor to be featured.
I really liked your video because so many times people get burnt, especially in the church, when people don’t know how to keep their mouths shut! So how should someone go about finding that person who can keep a secret or know what to do with it?
See Cheryl, that’s what I’m talking about! People can’t handle the truth. So what do we do? We walk around acting like everything is okay because we are around folks who can’t hanlde our story! I’m glad you listened to the video! Because you hear my passion…I don’t like it. Especially, from “church folk”.
Wow, this is so timely, I wrote a piece about REVEAL TO HEAL…people, especially black people are taught to keep the most egregious secrets, not to air dirty laundry and as such our kids are being molested, women are being beaten and no one is saying a thing…we must reveal to heal…bless you for this~
angelia
— Visit angelia´s site & last blog post at: FORWARD MARCH~
Angelia, we were just talking about this on Ella’s Radio Show last night! You see I’m excited. We definitely have been trained in our culture to “keep quiet” and “don’t tell so and so” what’s going on. In fact, when my sisters and I would get out of the car before going to a relatives house – my mother gave us this one line speech, “Don’t tell them people all my business!” Girl, we were trained to be quiet.
My mother would always say the same thing to us.
Sharon,
Isn’t that something…our mothers had the same vibe. I believe we would get that response from many.
To answer the question, I would say YES, I am the safe place for a person to come and share with as I truly believe in holding on to secrets and being there for folks. There are things I’ve been told I wouldn’t tell my hubby when he asked. Those secrets will go to the grave with me.
Now, I will admit that sometimes this is VERY hard as sometimes the secrets of others can weigh you down.
-Tee
Im saying a AMEN to that..I would trust Tee and several other folks with my “stuff”. By the way thanks for stopping by RAWSISTAZ today !
I’ve also had sharing my stuff backfire and it is so hurtful. I have the “take it to the grave” attitude about some things…
I can understand that Linda…did you listen to the video? I was tired of people. When I finally got the courage to share my troubles. I mean I thought I found a nice church woman. Before I could even open my mouth…the woman was telling me about somebody else’s stuff. So, I said to myself, “She is not the one!”
And that’s exactly what happened to me Tee. From the hands that touched my body at a young age to me becoming an adult adding my own secrets and sins…I was carrying the weight of the world. So, I hear you when you say it does get hard. That weight almost had me take my life because you can only carry it for so long. You have to have a place you can drop those weights.
I am also a secret keeper and a place where people go and Tee is right it is sometimes burdensome~ but to whom much is given. A good way to tell whether a person can keep secrets is by how much they tell others business and their own. Anyone who is always spreading gossip or talking about their own stuff with any and everyone is not a good confidante.
angelia
— Visit angelia´s site & last blog post at: FORWARD MARCH~
Angelia..you are telling the TRUTH on that one. I dont like to gossip though in this world its hard not to gossip about people we dont know..lol Im talking about the Kim Kard (sp), athletes and the like.
Angelia,
That’s a great observation about how to find a confidential person, that safe place to share your heart.
Right on Angelia!
Hi Sonya and thank you for joining us today. I just listened to your video excerpt and gon’ girl and preach….LOL!!! I’m pretty much the person people come to borrow a listening ear or get suggestions because I don’t give advice.
Also, much success on your “Take Off the Mask” blog tour!
Thank you Sharon.
Thank you Sharon! You see how passionate I was huh?
It’s just a shame, but thank God for people like you, Ty and Tee being safe places. It is poweful to just be able to release what’s down on the inside to a listening ear. So, thank God for you girl! And yes, I will keep preachin”!
Yes, that’s another thing ladies, i don’t understand why “we” cover everything up or sweep it under a rug. Women feel like they have to be quiet about the husband who abuses her, or the uncle who touched them when they were little… not knowing that this Very Thing is what is holding them in bondage. It is ok to have a testimony! It is ok to ask for help!
See Cheryl, you are there now…why do we keep secrets? For me, it was the guilt and shame of my uncles hands touching my body. I didn’t know how to channel how I was feeling so I tucked it away down on the inside.
In reading the book, we all know the characters like Ms. Gucci, Mr. Do-Good and Little Caleb who mask for many reasons. Only that person knows why they are “acting” a part and not allowing the truu to show up.
I hear what you’re saying , but I think some of it is due to upbringing. Like I commented earlier my mother always told us what goes on in our house stays in our house. And also too some women don’t speak on abuses or child molestation because they’re embarassed or feel what’s happening to them is their fault, or for being judged.
You are so right Sharon. I felt embarrassed about the sexual abuse. People respond to events in their lives differently.
Sharon, sooo true. but i am hoping that we will begin to break this cycle.
With me being touched at a young age, i now ask my daughters daily, during bath time, “is anyone touching you?” becasue i don’t want them to carry secrets for decades or feel ashamed or faultful (is that a word? lol) if something happens to them.
A well kept secret and one of the reasons many never tell is because of responses. All molesters are not violent or physically brutal. In fact they are quite seductive and if a person responds to someone’s touch then they certainly feel it is their fault. Even though their heart and mind is telling them it is not right. And the greater truth is that if you are touching a child you are just wrong, wrong, wrong and part of the conversation is that if someone touches you and you respond it is still not supposed to happen because it is violation of a child, plain and simple. I have talked to so many girls who never said anything because they felt like their bodies had betrayed them by responding and it leaves them scarred forever~ sorry to go on but this is one of my missions~
angelia
Angelia, I feel your heart. You nailed it! Your comment just summed it up with the violators and the young ladies (men). Because the victims are scarred for life. Wow, girl, you are the one who should be preachin’!
I will be checking out your blog:)
Sonya,
I been preaching for years and years and years…hee hee…
angelia
— Visit angelia´s site & last blog post at: FORWARD MARCH~
Angelia, I definitely believe you! Nice blog, by the way. I see you have great things happening too.
Thank you for being apart of this chat, I appreciate it.
Thanks Ma’am, I was in the battle early but one thing that saved me was my inability to hold grudges or to allow folk to get away with treating me any kind of way, now I am that for several young women in my life….and life is AWESOME~
BLESS YOU AND CONTINUE TO DO WHAT YOU ARE DOING~
angelia
— Visit angelia´s site & last blog post at: FORWARD MARCH~
I have no doubt, Angelia, that you’ll do the same! God Bless you!
That’s right Cheryl….keep that line of communication open so they can come to you about ANYTHING!!!!!!!!!!!!!
So true, Sharon…that they can come and talk to you about ANYTHING!
Cheryl, that is awesome you are being open with your girls because the violators have a way of making you feel like, “we’re in this together”.
Sonya,
Thank you so much for speaking out to other women! We can all learn from what you have written!!
Christine, I appreciate you stopping by today. It’s time to take off the mask. Thank you for those encouraging words.
Baby, I thank God for your courage and boldness, to attack this head on. I know its not easy but, I thank God for equipping you and empowering you to bring this issue out to the public. Men and women deal with this issue each and everyday of there lives, with know place to go. But God is able to see us through. I love and I am so proud of your work. Your husband!
Why thank you husband! Or should I say, Pastor Tony:)
You know we keep it real. I thank God for getting to this place of transparency and us having a church that won’t allow others to NOT show the love of God. People have to have a safe place and it is time to no longer be silent…but deal with the issues at hand. Whatever those issues might be.
Love yah and thanks for stopping by:)
Thank you so much for being open, honest and real about what you have been through. I myself have not gone through this particular situation but know a lot of people who have. This book has helped me to be able to identify with them, kind of get a glimpse of how they might feel. With this book, I see that I mask a lot. I try to be what people would have me to be. Without actually reading these words I would have never known that it was an actual problem.
That’s something Starr, (what a wonderful name).
Because it was the sexual abuse that taught me how to mask. I learned how to keep secrets by not telling anyone what my violators were doing to me. Which, in turn, taught me how to keep my own stuff – changing faces whenever I needed to. I learned early in life how to cover up Sonya.
Hello Sonya!
Great excerpt, although I’m about to finish the book. I think you did a wonderful job getting into detail. I’m going to share this in my review as well, but wanted to let you know that as I read the beginning of chapter 2, I started crying…I don’t usually cry unless it’s dealing with the word of God or someone really close to me.. LOL. But I cried because it seemed as if I was jolted back to that moment in time for you. When you talked about being out and playing kickball with your cousins and were called by one of your abusers; that just seemed to be overwhelming for a child to endure. My heart goes out to you, but what the devil meant for harm, God will turn it around!
Keep preaching and teaching; you may just help save a life just as your son did with you.
Wow, Renee, now you have me up here in tears. My God girl…thank you for stopping by here today. I needed to hear those words. A self published author can be kicked down by many, but thank God for people like you getting the message. I appreciate you.
Your words, humbled me…because this is a passion of mine. Simply put: it’s ministry.
I receive what you said…what the devil meant for evil, God has definitely turned it around. I did not pull the plug on my life. I will LIVE and NOT die. Now, I’m really messed up with the tears. Thanks, Renee, you too…are a safe place. I can’t wait to read your books Ms. Renee Allen McCoy! You are a JEWEL. Love yah!
Sonya, thank you for bringing this subject to the forefront. So many people are hurting and hiding behind a mask of guilt and shame, but I thank God for people like you, who are willing to open up and share their experiences of hurt and healing. Both men and women were victims of this type of abuse from hands who should have been loving them. I truely believe God has a special work for you and this in only the beginning.
Love Ya Sis!
Elaine, thanks for stopping by! You are a safe place…you have proven that you are no gossiping “church goer”, but that you can handle somebody else’s truth. You and I both know that this is why people don’t want to come to church because they can’t even be real in the house of the Lord. But, thank you for being the good side of Chapter 7 “I mean really, can I talk to you?”…LOL!